Saturday, May 16, 2009

Spring Cleaning

I'm trying to find the motivation to get started cleaning the basement today. Maybe a cup of coffee will do the trick. Nope didn't do the trick, however I now have a nice hot mug of liquid caffeine to drink as I blog. The problem is I rented a 15 cubic yard dumpster to cleanse "Casa De Melnyk" this weekend. Its sitting there in the driveway all big, orange, and screaming at me to fill it. Well its not really screaming at me but MMM is starting to give me the get busy signals.

The plan this weekend has been to purge our property of all the mess and clutter we have accumulated over our life together. The list is simple get the driveway, garage, yard, and basement purged before the dumpster leaves Tuesday morning. I started our home reno in October 2007, I meant to get the rubble hauled away at various times in the last year and a half but kept putting it off. I figured I'd get all of the junk removed all at once instead of every step of the reno. I began to pile stuff in the driveway, garage, and basement much to my dear wife's dismay. Anyway I digress, wasps moved into the pile at some point in the last year and found the carpet underlay, and drywall were perfect for a little wasp condo project. All last summer we kept being harassed by wasps when we sat outside on the deck. Finally in late September I saw the little black and yellow monsters going in and out of my pile. Well that put any junk removal plans on hold until until it got cold out. Well it gets really cold, really fast in Alberta so I kept putting it off until the snow fell and by then it was way to cold, so the plan changed to early spring. So Friday night we got started.

THE NEST WAS HUGE!!!!!!!, it was between 21 and 24 inches in diameter. I've never seen a wasp nest that big. It is early enough in the year here that they are fairly inactive and not a threat. However the redneck in me didn't think it would be that bad and starts ripping the pile apart throwing rubble in to my bin. My boys helped thing it was fun until we all saw the nest. A sudden soberness comes over you seeing a wasp nest that big. Kids are sent into the house and given strict orders to stay inside. You move items a little more gingerly, making sure the little flying monsters do not wake from there winter sleep. My genius teenage sons wanted to burn the nest. I had to remind them that a pile of drywall, wood and yard waste plus fire equals the fire department coming out and maybe the garage burning down. So we did the next best thing. WE SMASHED IT!! we very carefully moved the nest into the bin and then crushed it with what ever heavy things we could find. The nest was destroyed, but I'm certain the yellow jackets are still in there somewhere.

Saturday we tackled the garage. It went quickly and soon I was able to not only part vehicles in it but we could actually see the floor. Its very therapeutic to declutter your garage. The weather was nice, the yellow jackets never crawled out to attack. I found all sorts of items I thought I had lost. No injuries, no fights between siblings. The bin went from 1/3 full to 2/3 full, mission complete. On top of that I got the blade on the lawnmower changed, tuned the mower up and got the yard done. It turned into a very productive day.

BUT NOW I'VE HIT THE WALL!!!! The problem is the basement has gone from the location that a few items were stored to the Kratt Brothers Closet. If you are unfamiliar with the closet check out Zaboomafoo on PBS. They open a seeming harmless closet door and enough stuff to fill three rooms spills out. That is my basement! I actually almost lost my 5 year old son in a pile down there last Wednesday. His muffled cries for help were all I could hear and then I saw his left foot wiggle. We have to start attaching bells and ropes to people before they venture down there. I started this post early this morning, its now 2 in the afternoon. I've checked emails, facebook, sports sites, downloaded songs and movies. Anything to delay my start.

But like Dr Suess wrote "Marvin K Mooney the time has come the time is now. Marvin K Mooney will you please go Now!!!". Gee, I hope those yellow jackets aren't mad.